英文作文大全

　　My Husband Will Be Home SoonA married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard."Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."James replied, "My wife loves this beard,

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didnt write the address and addressees name on the envelope.　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown

　　"You cant imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend.“　　你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说　　"She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me fo

　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.　　Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"　　“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what Im going to give you for your birthday?　　Mom: No, Honey, what?　　Kate: A nice teapot.　　Mom: But Ive got a nice teapot.　　Kate: No, you havent. Ive just dropped it.凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗？　　妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀？　　凯特：一把漂亮

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.　　Teacher: Please tell us.　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the spa

　　A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?　　Please, teacher, said a small boy, Ive made someone glad yesterday.　　Well done.

　　When theyre together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratchi

　　"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"　　"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar

　　A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.　　"I cant hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.　　"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded h

　　Workman：“Mr．Brown，I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages． I have just been married．” Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I cant helpyou． For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not

　　Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some

　　After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.　　In an instan

　　What a big deal A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he ha

　　Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft（阁楼） and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing se

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor．How ar

　　George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too...

　　The Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable re